News of The Weird: Edition 2

[Cue News Theme...]

Good Afternoon Ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to another edition of News of The Weird.

Today we’ll start off with a story coming from the US Justice Department, where they have commented on their backing the debate over a “two-tier” internet.

“Internet service providers should be allowed to charge for priority traffic.” -Somebody in Charge

No of course, this whole thing has blown up into a huge quarrel, about whether or not competitors can have specific networks, and make you pay more for them….

Moving on, one of the The NASA Rovers, after surviving a giant dust storm, has begun moving down into the Victoria Crater. Seems like Mars isn’t so bad after all.

This descent into the crater —which measures a half-mile wide and somewhere between 200 to 230 feet deep — has been on hold since July when a a few sun-blotting dust storms raged in the southern hemisphere. At the height of the storm, Opportunity and Spirit went into sleep mode to conserve energy. Spirit is exploring another area far from Opportunity.

Plus somebody developed Mars for Google Earth…

Random Image of The Day:

UCF’s Bright House Networks Stadium

Now, I ask a question: Can you describe an outfit that would be too sexy to ride on an airplane in?

Now whatever you just thought of, would have probably gotten you arrested if you were Kyla Ebbert. She was escorted off a Southwest Airlines flight two months ago for wearing an outfit far less revealing than a bikini top. She was let back on after an argument with the Flight Attendant.

News of The Weird

[Cue News Theme...]

Today, I have started what is to be known as News of The Weird. This will be a mini-series of posts that will follow each Thursday, where news stories, publications, and events that have happened throughout the week will be re-examined and deeply investigated. If our research is conclusive enough, I might even send it over to the F.B.I.*

Hot off the press, is a story coming out of Des Moines, Iowa. Interesting enough a 22-year-old Patrick Hamman was arrested and charged with domestic abuse after throwing a bag of Cheetos at his father Michael Hamman. Police said the bag hit the edge of Hamman’s glasses, causing a small cut. Later, Patrick admitted to being under the influence of methamphetamine at the time of the argument. This happens everyday downtown… This brings dangerously cheesy to a new meaning!

 

Dangerously Cheesy: New Projectile Forumla

Moving on… Last Tuesday, a Virginia Teen, Walter Smith Jr., 16, was charged with the first-degree murder and rape of his 22-year-old sister, Betsy Mary Smith, and the aggravated assault against his two-year old niece with a SLEDGEHAMMER…

What the hell is wrong with someone who does this kind of thing! Of course the relatives say that he never had violence issues, but when do they ever? Is it common knowledge that people randomly go crazy and kill one another for sport?* Medication may have been a factor this time, as reports say he was suffering from depression.

Random Image of the Day:

A very nice keyboard. Thats about it.

Finally, lets look at Christianity* for a minute. This is a important group in this day and age. You never know when the freedoms we enjoy will be given away to the different organizations, who all feel they are above the law, and should not have to pay taxes, because they are “enlightened” and call themselves Christians. The only reason I say this is because look at the different extremities. Its way to generalized anymore… No offense to anyone really, but where do you draw the line?*

Now, how in the hell does is that logical? It’s not, therefore you must must apply a new list of Ten Commandments to the 21st Century:

1. One should truly believe in the spiritual or religious choice you have made, and have considered alternatives before arriving at their decision.

2. Any idols must be of spiritual origin and no physical being may reach that status.

3. There can be no wrongful use of the name of God and any violent retaliation to a use of God’s name should be decreed as retarded and punished

4. Everyday is as equal as the other and should have no special rules in regard to laws.

5. Honour your Father and Mother as long as they are Non-Abusive and Supportive with your unselfish needs.

6. Thou should not murder in any domestic situation unless in extreme self defence, in warfare the war must be legal and just war theory must be followed.

7. Adultery should only happen if you are suffering from physical abuse or your partner is completely non-supportive of the relationship.
   

8. Thou should only steal to steal from a thief in order to return property to the original owner. With intellectual property rights if living in an extremely capitalistic environment thou should not steal if not supporting the industry in other ways.

9. Thou shalt not bear false witness in a court of law.

10. Thou shall only covet thy neighbour’s house or wife for unselfish means if both have been treated abusively.

[* sarcasm implied]